well... it's not totally solved. since balancing properly my stars are a bit rounder.
but, the elongation is still there. i've found that it's relatively invariant across exposure time. for instance, DPSF says r is in the neighborhood of 0.75-0.68 for exposures of 60s, 120s and 240s. at 720s r is worse but now i might be looking at some DF in the mix at that point.
i finally solved a field from my guide camera and found that my guider scale is 8.9 arcseconds/pixel. my imaging camera is about 0.88 arcseconds/pixel. now, i know that PhD does manage subpixel accuracy, so a mismatch like this in and of itself is probably not fatal. in a typical run, i see 0.15 pixels error in RA (RMS). if my math is right, this translates to 0.42 guider pixels peak-to-peak error, and that translates to roughly 4 pixels on the imaging camera, which looks to be in the ballpark.
i was about to conclude that my guide camera focal length is too short, but... i'm not sure what fraction of a pixel PhD can actually resolve with this camera, but assuming it's 0.1 pixel, that far exceeds the best seeing that i'd expect to see around here. so it would seem that my guider focal length is not too short (currently it's 250mm).
so... not sure what to do next here.
i do know for a fact that my mount elevation is not spot-on. i have been assuming that the mount PE error far exceeds any polar misalignment in RA, and so the bad alignment would be a 2nd order effect. but now i'm starting to wonder about that.